When it comes to a typically British holiday, there can but be only two choices – Greece or Spain?

Where to this year? Which, is best do we reckon?


Spain has its fair share of beautiful beaches, problem being is that many of them have been encroached on by huge mega resorts and the throngs of package holiday makers that inhabit them.

It is hard to find an untouched beach in Spain.

Greece, while it has a fair proportion of the above, also has a wealth of totally deserted, place to yourself bays that are the stuff that dreams are made of.

It has its islands to thank for that, all one need do is hire a car, be prepared to walk a bit and you are almost certain of finding your own piece of heaven.

Spain’s Balearic islands hold the best beaches in the nation, while in Greece, well, they are everywhere!

The sea in Greece has a clarity that I have never seen anywhere else in the world (and I have snorkelled in the Red sea, the Caribbean and the Indian ocean) this fact makes it the undisputed winner of the beaches category.


Everyone has heard that Greek hotels are much more basic than most places. Is it true?

Abso-bloody-lutely it is. Spain wins, HANDS DOWN.


I can speak a little Spanish, I can order food, drinks, ask for a hotel, the usual basics that a tourist might.

I know one word of Greek and I can’t even say that properly.

Just look at their letters for god’s sake. Spain up again.


There is a certain general laxity of caring about well, anything in Greece meaning as long as you aren’t bothering anyone else to much, whatever you are up to is your own business.

It’s very similar in Spain but possibly not quite as lax. So Greece got one back.

Animal welfare

Walk into any British supermarket, look at the contents of the charity food bank and you will see smartprice this and value that.

Look at the charity pet food bank and it’s full of pedigree chum and whiskers. 

We brits have a certain relationship with our animals that most nations don’t understand, indeed it is one of the nations proudest attributes if you ask me.

Spain has bull fighting and the Greeks like their fur coats. Grow up you two and get with the 21st century. 

No points awarded.

‘Health and Safety’

This abomination is the scourge of modern Briton (along with political correctness gone ape shit over the top of course).

What do our foreign cousins in our two fave counties make of it? You know, as expected they just don’t care.

A man (or women, of course) will climb a ladder in either nation without being harnessed to two cranes and a helicopter.

He (or of course she) will pick up a paintbrush without a full face mask, breathing apparatus and leather gauntlets.

Good for them I say. One for each of you.


If we were after sheer quantity then there is no competition. Greece hammers Spain by a whopping five thousand. So lets keep it nice and easy and say point to Greece.


At the first whiff of tourist cash, both nations ripped down much of their ancient architecture replacing it with concrete boxes.

Indeed every Spaniard and Greek set about lining their golden shores with bars, restaurants sunbeds and inflatables.

None of this means that nothing is left of course, both nations have a proud history and the relics and ruins to prove it lie strewn across their respective territories.

Both have a similar attitude when it comes to preserving and conserving these masterpieces of history – they just don’t bother.

I have seen 3000 year old ancient Greek plaster, decorated with wonderful murals with a bush growing out of it, Colossal Spanish forts falling to bits for want of a bit of mortar and beautiful Roman mosaic floors in both nations left to the ravages of the weather.

So shame on both nations – a score of nil all around.

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Drinking culture

Does either nation drink alcohol to such an astonishing degree that they end up fighting with the bar man, vomiting all over the table, singing ‘we are the champions’ all the way down the road before collapsing in a flower bed with their skirt over their head?

No, and neither should we. It is disgraceful, and the reason that both of these nations hate us. One to each.

Getting stuff done

If the Spanish attitude to work is maybe tomorrow then the Greek perspective would be probably never. 

The Spanish may be lazy but to be frank, the Greeks make the Spanish look efficient and industrious.

The amount of half built then abandoned structures must out-number the actually completed in Greece, whereas in Spain I have on a couple of occasions seen some Spanish builders actually working! Point to Spain.


Spanish airports tend to be modern and progress through them relatively speedy.

In Greece I have had to que outside of the airport in the baking sun for over an hour before, in another passengers outnumbered seats by about 5:1.

In Rhodes there was one guy at border control slowly checking (or rather not checking) the passports of maybe 1000 people, all Greek airports have a distinct lack of air conditioning and a total lack of toilet cleaners. Spain awarded 1.

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Value for money

Only a few years ago this would have been a very one sided category, the conclusion being that Greece is way cheaper than Spain. 

Since 2015 this is not so however, Greece’s economic troubles have put prices up across the board.

I would now suggest that comparing the prices of food, drink, fuel and anything else that is important to a tourist, the observer would find both nations to be of equal expensiveness.

If indeed expensiveness is a word. It is now. In this article at least. Thank you, and sorry. Score draw.


Controversy coming here, I can feel it. Greece wins, no question, so boo to you.


Those of you who can count will have worked out that that it is actually a draw.

So what have we learnt? Nothing I guess, but I can’t really leave it like that so here’s your conclusion.

Both places have their merits and it depends what is important to you.

You can’t expect to be able to compare beaches with airports and come to some kind of logical conclusion.

Nor can an article of this size, written by an idiot like me even come close to comparing the variety, vastness, depth, complexity, grandeur and culture of these beautiful nations.

Go to both, many times and decide for yourself, that is what I have done and yes I do have a favourite, but I’m not telling which.

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